To B and P

I once heard that you should thank your S.O.’s past boyfriends/girlfriends for shaping them into the person you now have. In retrospect, I see A LOT of women thanking me for creating these near God-like creatures and how they have NO CLUE just what kind of crap I had to start with. They won’t know the yelling, crying, cheating, heartache and ultimately, growing pains their perfect SO inflicted. I’ll be on the receiving end of those thank you’s and I’m not sure I want it. I don’t want to be the “first” who finishes last.

That being said, to my ex S.O., please FORGET ABOUT ME. It makes my blood boil when I think of the youth that you robbed from me – the days and nights I spent worrying about your depression and self destructive behavior. I was told time and again that dating someone below my status is a form of self destruction but I didn’t believe it b/c I thought by helping you, I would be helping “us.” I was so so so wrong! I was your stepping stone to the euphoria you currently have and I damn myself everyday for putting you before me. If you had somehow returned the 3 year long assistance by standing by me when I needed you most, I could face you today without hating you. Actually, I don’t hate you: I feel nothing. When people ask who you are in pictures or bring you up, I tell them you’re nobody or that I faked our relationship. Ironically, the ones who hear the latter believe me; they tell me they always knew there was no way a guy like you could have roped in “a hottie” like me. It makes me sick knowing they see me as the epitome of everything you can ever have b/c lord knows, I am not perfect. Even your family viewed me as intelligent and charming, a potential daughter-in-law yet, you had the audacity to cheat on me not once, not twice but THREE times (bet you didn’t know I heard about the third one and so God help you if I am ever confronted by another “guilt stricken” girl). I know karma comes back times three and I hope for your sake that you can rectify this now before bad things snowball and I am no longer here to be your support, your anchor on reality and haven from all those painful haunts.

Advertisements