My night terrors are returning… these are nothing in common with an average nightmare. They return on a nightly (or sleeping state) basis and increase anxiety and fear tenfold. It can get to the point where insomnia is self-induced to avoid these fright fests. In my case, there’s always an element of slow torture before a painful death for either the people around me or just myself; the former occurs more often than not. I can smell, taste and feel blood exiting from wounds. I’m locked in a position of immobility and so fearful that moving is in slow motion. I can never save my loved ones nor myself and it reflects in my current situation of being weighted down with the RSD, Crohn’s and GI tumor. I feel useless and am utterly helpless when my body begins spiraling downwards.
It’s snowing outside and the beauty of it is breathtaking. This extra year has been a blessing and should I die tomorrow, next week or even year, I’ll always be grateful for 2009. If you’re reading and are battling depression or depressed thoughts, know that it will pass given Time and support from your loved ones or therapist(s). It’s not easy asking for help and more difficult still just admitting that whatever burden you bear has become way too much. There’s a fine line b/t Pride and Arrogance – too much arrogance can topple a too precious and precarious balance of the mind, body and soul. Take a breath for Today is another day – do something worthwhile ^_^