You’ve always been so good at turning on a dime and leaving people confused as to what was said that upset you. You use military language as if everybody is out to get you. You’re stubborn and make rash decisions and almost always you’ve regretted it later on when cooler heads prevail. I felt like I was constantly being pulled in two directions with you: first I’m supposed to do x and then, I’m not supposed to do that. Everyone is expected to run on your time schedule. No wonder I got overwhelmed and tired of trying to appease you. I kept a lot of things locked up inside b/c they didn’t jive with you. The things I fought back on were important to me and you misconstrued my intentions. I knew you’d use the next fight, the next disagreement as grounds to break up with me. You don’t have the fortitude to care deeply about anyone for the long run.
You said yourself that I could keep in touch with your mother. Again, just something you renege on that I’m expected to follow. The only one being disrespectful is you towards everyone on the periphery of a five year relationship. It’s easy to push people away with insubstantial excuses and cut off all forms of communication, starting with a phone. I didn’t realize you still had an AIM account or could receive messages while you were signed off (I thought you had to have a cellphone for forwarding them as I had). I took your word that you wouldn’t look over AIM again: I wrote for me. How was I to know you were getting them without any indication from you? You’re the one who cut off all ties and for whatever bizarre reason expects others to do the same. Your parents give a damn about you so why be surprised they learned to love me, too? I don’t care what you want anymore. There was a time I did and I was terrified of a misstep that could set you off and once again, break up with me. I’m tired of that noise and I’m NOT sorry for giving and getting closure. When I spoke to your mom it was the first conversation since I drove off with the things that mattered to me. Self-fulling prophecy, right? For all those times I refused to answer questions about your state of mind and being, for five years of protecting your vulnerabilities and thoughts, dropping whatever I was doing and rushing to wherever you were when you needed me, it never occurred to me to betray you. Your assumption that I would go behind your back pissed me off just like your assumption that I would have taken away the things that really, truly matter to you. Let me remind you that you have a bigger mouth: how else would Fits know something about me that I’ve revealed to only three people? You have a lot of nerve declaring me as the one who betrays your secrets and being self righteous as you do so! It takes one to know one and you can take that and shove it, you smug asshole! This is the answer to your self-fulling prophecy that people are out to undermine you: you hurt yourself first by jumping to conclusions from far left field. It’s ironic how you try to teach your younger cousins about communication and relationships when the way you handle things aren’t appropriate.