Real conversation as I’m about to drop off my Campbells at LaGuardia when we’re less than 5 miles away:

Campbells: “I know this might be a little late to ask but I have somethings in my bag that I’m afraid will stop me from going through the TSA checkpoints.”

Me (hysterically laughing as I picture drugs and other paraphernalia in her carry on): “You’re only checking your bag right now? What do you have?”

Campbells: “I have a pen, my keys, a little bottle of lotion, the chargers for my phone…”

Me (still chuckling and catching my breath): “I was so expecting you to say, ‘I’ve got a bowl, lighter and maybe some pot’ to which I’d say, ‘I’ll gladly take care of that for you but I can’t promise all of it will be here when you get back.’ Then proceed to enjoy it.”

Campbells: “No! It’s not anything like that! I guess I’m just nervous because I don’t fly often and I don’t want to miss my flight because of a stupid pencil or something.”

Me: “You’ll be fine! Did you know you’re allowed to take steel crochet hooks onto flights?”

Campbells: “No way! Are you serious?”

Me: “Yes, you are and knitting needles, too.”

Campbells: “But those pose more of a danger or threat-”

Me: “I totally hear you! Crochet hooks could easily be used to pick the lock to the cockpit and because some knitters and crocheters make different things at the same time, you can bet there’s more than one that is brought onboard.”

Campbells (laughing): “Well, I feel better after getting worked up over a pen!”

Me: “You’ll be fine and you’ll have a safe flight.”