Why can’t he see he’s losing me…

… by repetitively and very persistently pushing my buttons, ergo driving me away? His rhetoric has become overbearing and condescending by calling my diseases a “burden unto him which he has put up with all this time.” As if I have ever relied on him to manage my illnesses or that I need him to assist 24/7 at all. Have I not dealt with my health before he came along and does he think I’ll die if he moves along to a new relationship, a different life without me? It really pisses me off that he throws my health in MY face like I don’t know the situation thoroughly and tries to leverage the times he helped me get somewhere up to 90% functional so that I could drive back to NY on my own to see my doctors. He has literally said he’s “put up with my conditions for the last six years” as if I’m supposed to be a grateful albatross around his neck and as if I lied about my health from the start. I told Beck straight up what the deal was and he said he knew what he was getting into but NOW, I have to change my values/beliefs/who I am to match his views, his wants. I know he believes a raw diet will “cure” my Crohn’s and asthma (i.e. my body and overall health), but he doesn’t consider that my peace of mind, my strength will be snapped for running headlong into a situation I am wary of. I don’t believe all the testimonials from “cured patients” who were diagnosed with the same diseases I have; especially, knowing that any disease can be experienced by varying degrees in each individual and those being cured by organic food alone could have been misdiagnosed. Beck counters that “not believing” isn’t good enough and I/my friends say believing isn’t enough to require someone change themselves entirely for another. God forbid, 25 years from now, after ALL that I do and ALL I change for him, he leaves me or wants me to become someone else entirely AGAIN. I’m not a puppet or a doll or a lab rat and I would definitely become a shell of a person (to appease my lover) existing in a somewhat healthy body. A healthy body can produce a healthy mind, but a strong mind can overcome a broken body: at least, that’s my philosophy.

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