On a beautiful fall night, I heard my name called out. I didn’t answer the first time but looked harder when I heard my full name the second time. It was him: a childhood friend who I crushed on. Gorgeous blue eyes, much taller stature and that wonderful smile so easy to get lost in: my Kobe B. (reverse the order and you get his name, kinda 😉 ) standing on the football field. I jump out of my car and sprint into his arms and I feel like I’m 12 turning 13 again ::bliss:: Then, I hear the beautiful rumble of a sleek European made car and turn around (I can’t help it) as KB waves it over. I never thought I’d see the driver in this lifetime again and it’s Brasstacks (don’t ask). My glee at seeing these stunning and wholesome men is only overpowered by my excitement when I realize I can get behind the wheel of the car! OMG, I def got wet at the thought, tehehe!

Me: OMG OMG OMG- – puhllllleease, can I get behind the wheel, Brasstacks!

BS: Oh hell no! I just got it done (the paint and candy coating, he meant)!

Me: Are you kidd-, dude, I’m one of the best defensive drivers in the US! You can sit on the passenger side and control the speed that I go at, PLEASE! I need this! I just broke up with my ex and some much needed muscle power between my legs would-

BS: No, only KB is getting behind the wheel!

Me: There’s no way all three –

Well, Mr. Rich had to jump out and meet with others on the far end of the field to plan a new building dedicated to his parents for a few donated millions. KB’s already behind the wheel completely enjoying my child-like, hyper state. So, I’m almost satiated that a guy I loved staring at and talking to will be driving cause I’ll get to look upon him a little longer as each curve in the road sends my body flying into his.

The privileged lifestyle surrounding the athletic field means there are no streetlights on the private roads and a high beam is necessary to drive at night. The roads are single lanes for each direction of driving and have a meandering curve meant to enjoy the scenery. It matters that you know where the roads turn because certain areas dip off to un-fenced ponds (can you imagine swimming in the dark after your car has careened off the road and rolled 20 feet down a bank?!). KB knew these roads like the back of his hand having spent five years going back and forth for school. I thought I knew the roads, mm, there’s something so sexy about a guy who can handle cars and the asphalt sliding away underneath us! Along the way, an Audi came up behind us and started being a dick about “owning the road.” Lately, I’ve noticed Audi drivers are the new asshole BMW drivers: people who feel entitled to the right of way, who have no consideration for other drivers or traffic rules and are general douchebags/snobs. Since the single lanes mean you have to drive at the pace of the car in front of you, you can imagine what the Audi started doing: trying to cut us off.

KB is a reserved type guy and I started pushing him to go faster.

Me: We can’t let this prick have his way…

KB: It doesn’t matter-

The Audi pulls up next to us at a stop sign.

Me (like 3 inches from KB’s face): Let me take over, for real! Control the clutch or whatever but let me race, pleeeassssse! (turns out the car’s a semi-automatic like my baby girl)

KB: Brasstacks will kill both of us if anything happens to his car.

But I’ve already unbuckled my seat belt and was climbing over onto KB’s lap (the car is gorgeous if lacking space on the interior), prompting him to let me have my way 😉 He slides over to the passenger side and we quickly go over what we’ll do: shoot the 2 miles and if he feels I’m not handling the twists and turns, we stop. God, the silky way this car moves, I was seduced immediately and I know KB noticed the flush that appears on my face when I’m on an adrenaline rush/about to do something dangerous. I’m a friggin’ amazing defensive driver: ask my family, friends and ex! I can see someone screwing up before they know they’re screwing up.

I give the Audi driver some credit for being able to keep nearly headlight to headlight but you could see he was having issues with the dips and turns. It was never a contest and by the time KB and I were on the county road, Audi guy wasn’t even visible, tehehe

When I see a Marshalls, I make a mental note to go back to buy a new pair of sneakers but say it out loud to make sure it sticks. KB looks at me, laughing, and says, “We have to go in together!”

I’m having the time of my life handling this Italian Stallion so it doesn’t register when he adds, “Remember how mad you were at me for messing up your white Nikes in tech class?”

Me: Nah… how could you mess them up when I was always drawing all over them?

KB: That’s what I asked when I used the highlighter to make ’em look better!

Me: Oh, you S.O.B. – yeah, I do remember – my mom was furious at me!

KB: Let’s go in quickly – Brasstacks won’t be done for a while.

Me: Seriously?!

KB: Yeah! Turn around and pull in!

We decide on a really cute pair of grey Sketchers with neon pink detail that KB insists on paying for and leave. Without thinking, I got back behind the wheel and KB next to me. Five minutes later (traveling nearly 10 miles) we’re in the parking lot and think we’re in the clear. How’s BS gonna know what we were up to?!

BS: You.Are.Not.Behind.The.Wheel.Of. My. New.Car! KB, this isn’t like you, man!

Me: The proof is in the pudding, lovie! It’s not like he could have refused me anyway. She’s sleek, sexy and I need one now!

KB: See? It wasn’t me, bro. You can’t even say no to her!

After he settled down, Brasstacks shoots me a devious look that I only saw last in Los Angeles.

BS: D, you coming with us on Friday, then?

Me: Only if you’re letting me drive the Maserati again.

BS: You’re tripping if you think I’m letting you drive. My parents bought me a yacht last year and it hasn’t been taken out much this year. Wanna come with?

Me: Like we’re going out Friday night and coming back, right?

BS: Oh, no! We’re going out to the Sound from the yacht club (close to where I work and which I’ve never noticed) at 8 and coming back Sunday. Bring enough clothing and we’ll just kick back with my girl, parents, you and KB.

Me: How big is this thing-

KB (ever casually): Three bedrooms, kitchen, bar/lounge, etc.

Me: Holy shit!

BS: So, come. Be at the club by 7:50 pm and we’ll cast off at 8.

Me: Grr! Guys, I so want to be with you but I gotta stay late at my job until 11 pm!

BS: Aw, c’mon – make an excuse, use your charm and wit to finagle what you want like I’ve seen you do!

Me: Dammit – tough call… really tough call!

This is the night my ex stopped talking to me. He thought I went and fucked the two of them at the same time like that’s what I’m about because I ever did such a thing in our 6 year relationship! Beck didn’t slow down and think it over. His overreach reminded me of all the other conversations we had over the phone or Skype or in person when I was full of bubbly energy I just wanted to share. He became really good at pretending to listen as I bounced from topic to topic as it surfaced in my mind or he flat out cut me off and told me he couldn’t handle it.

Our entire relationship was me trying to follow his lead and there were times I had to just take it because he was wallowing in despair/frustration/anger. I can recall countless hours of picking him up from work at 11 pm, listening to him rant/decompress as we drove to a hotel, hours of sex, hours of scratching/massaging him and not being able to tell him certain things because he “just can’t do it right now.” I know I was very good to him. He was good to me and I’m just beginning to understand him after a couple of nights at a temple.