Exclusive

Me: You’re serious about being exclusive?

TX: Hell yeah! You’ll tell me when you’re ready?

Me: I’m ready.

TX: Are you sure you won’t renege or regret this decision? I know you still care for Beck, though I have no idea why you would want that fool.

Me: I don’t want him anymore.

TX: Why now? Do you see him for the fool he is or just hoping you can use me as a way to distance yourself from him?

Me: I needed the time to sort through my ambivalence, feelings and thoughts combined: to find what was true and keep it while discarding the rest. I’d never use you or anyone else because I’m a better person than that. I know how to work through my shit without messing up the life of someone else.

TX (with a huge smile): Alright, I hear that. You’re mine then-

Me: You’ll only be able to own of me what I give willingly. Can you be satisfied with that?

TX (grabbing me tight as I lay on top of him): We’ll see how that goes, little girl.

He’s 6′ 3″ to my 5′ 4″ and only a few years older than me (still way under 40 though). I’ll let him get away with calling me “little” and I know saying “girl” or “boy” at the end of a sentence is something uniquely Southern; it’s just a tad too infantile 😛

So, a new relationship begins and a new promise made. I’m done with incurring my ex’s wrath though I must admit to you, my friend, that there were times I enjoyed getting under his skin since his anger was the only way I could reach him. For someone who has moved on, there shouldn’t be a need to ice me out or make declarative statements. If you are something (frame of mind or state of being), then you just are. There’s nothing after that because you shouldn’t have the need to scream and shout your insistence.

I need you to remind me of Beck’s worst qualities and failings, my friend (how else will I be able to stay away and accept that Beck wasn’t/isn’t worth my attention?). I deserve, no, I am owed, better than him. My friends are right and insistent on this mantra: cheaters/rebounds deserve each other in their destructive and short-lived promise. Beck was lucky to have had me. I don’t have to add to the bad karma going his way and I won’t because I don’t like what it says of me to sink low/wish harm on someone. I’m better than that and strong enough to let him go, wishing him luck to find happiness elsewhere. My Texan has helped restore my self-confidence, my faith in myself and strength: I know the power of my gifts are not to be trifled with and my talents will allow me to shoot for the moon, going beyond it to the next galaxy 😀

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