I’d like a break, God, please?

Update- My bank discovered the location from which my credit cards were used to steal the initial $250: the friggin’ European Union! I have no relations in the region nor did I make any purchases for a product made overseas. I had to do some sleuthing of my own when I saw the “Overdraft Protection Transfer Fees” listed next to five dollars removed from my savings accounts when the first $250 went through and then another $270. The $10 isn’t a big deal if I had signed up for the OD Protection program which I willfully opted out when I opened my accounts. Do you see the unethical issue with my bank moving my money from account to account without my knowledge or permission? The thief (thieves?) would not have made off with so much if the checking account had went to zero and stayed there. I understand that a bank may offer to draw from one to cover the expense of another account when the difference in amount is under $50, which was not the case for me. Instead, my bank “replenished” the checking portion with the exact amount that was in there before the fraudulent charge, BOTH TIMES, and had the audacity to bill me for the “courtesy” with their ODP fees! Dude, absolutely not cool. The other fucked up part: none of the branch managers caught the $10 charge when they looked at my accounts and if they did, they said nothing to me. I had to make the calls to the bank before the money was returned and now, I simply have “provisional credit” (meaning they can withdraw it at any time if they deem the missing $500 was somehow legit) until their investigation is over!

*******************************************************************************

Five hundred dollars stolen from my checking account because the link between my savings and checking was never severed. Apparently, there are TWO kinds of Overdraft Protection. One allows the bank to charge anywhere from $2-$10 for EACH transaction made, after the balance has hit zero, regardless of total amount per purchase for which many big banks were fined for deceptive practices in enrolling each client (also, the one I deliberately opted out of when I opened my accounts). The second one allows money to be withdrawn from a savings account into checking to cover whatever negative balance has accrued UNLESS you, again, opt out of it *IF* you even know about it! Now, an investigation is being opened before I get the all clear from being a suspect in fraudulent activities in my OWN accounts! What the f–k!

Continue reading “I’d like a break, God, please?”

The fuckboy vs softboy

Quickly, I’m going to define fuckboy first because it’s simple in my mind: younger Millennials decided to take the word “player” and make it their own. Call it neediness, attention seeking behavior, lack of imagination, immaturity and what have you from those born from 1990 and on. The fuckboy is a tool, literally, seeking only one thing from another person: sex. Sporting the latest hairstyle for men, snazzy threads, intense/charismatic demeanor and mastery of flattering words, this guy is easy to spot (not only just because his Type A personality has drawn a crowd around himself and his entourage) at nightclubs, bars and coffeehouses. There’s no deeper ulterior motive behind his actions and he’s screwed the day he fathers a daughter (or son) because “sins of the father visiting on his children” and all that. The fuckboy will use you to satisfy his sexual needs and ego but he’ll leave your heart alone. In every major women’s magazine touting to cover fashion, make up tips and dating advice there will be at least one quiz a publication year to help someone figure out if indeed, they have slept with a fuckboy (i.e. confirming players gonna play in the summary evaluating your score 😉 ).

Continue reading “The fuckboy vs softboy”

Who art thou to speak on love and relationships?

This is going to be rambling because I do not know where to start. How about my day; it started with a car that didn’t want to fire up immediately (she’s 12 years old and these “hiccups” have persisted these last 3 years. I know she can only hold up well for another 3 years and then, it’ll be time to find and pay for a new depreciating asset 😦 ) en route to my cousin-in-law’s baby shower. It’s a huge surprise because they’ll have been married less than year when the expected due date arrives. I’m extremely happy for her! She fits into our loud, sometimes brawling family and she speaks the same dialect ^_^ We love her and we’re keeping her!

At the same event, I get cornered by my Aunt Terry to RSVP to her son’s engagement party WHILE her potential daughter-in-law is standing next to me. Here’s the contentions I (plus the majority of our family members) have about my Timmy’s engagement: it’s his first serious relationship and only 3 years old. In my culture, you have to date for FIVE before you even consider marriage because anything less isn’t enough time for a person’s idiosyncrasies/major flaws to reveal themselves and to be evaluated. Precedence in our family tree supports that wisdom: all my cousins who married under the five year mark are all divorced. Then, there’s the fact that my cousin’s fiancee will not eat our cultures dishes: she doesn’t even make an attempt to try. Why are you marrying a Chinese guy if you don’t enjoy a major aspect of the cultural via cuisine?! My cousin knew this and the very first Chinese New Year banquet he brought her to, she asked for a Chinese take-out type dish to be made especially for her because with a sneer, I quote, “I [she] don’t like this stuff. I can’t eat it.” She was sitting at a table of 12 with large family-style platters being shared and didn’t apologize for the affront as everyone else did eat “it” (the wonderful traditional foods). Timmy tried to spin some of the backlash as our aunts, uncles and other elders being racist/ethnocentric and I slapped him down. ALL (meaning two) of my non-Asian boyfriends were welcomed and they (i.e. only Beck) had the common decency to try to engage in our culture and cuisine without insulting others. I think it’s telling that Chris wouldn’t eat certain dishes so, that relationship was doomed. Chris’ refusal to make even the smallest attempt was insulting to everyone, as is this new girl. Timmy can’t see that and I can’t force him to because he’ll just dig in his heels. Amongst the first US born generation on my mom’s side, we think Timmy is trying to emulate my cousin (who’s wife is the mom-to-be) in fear of being left out. The kid is 27 but he has issues not yet resolved (his ADHD, inability to handle his drink, etc.) and the imaginary pressure isn’t being addressed.

Continue reading “Who art thou to speak on love and relationships?”

Cheating: Lesson Learned

Let’s start with this: when it comes to ruthlessness and being tactless, I can be one of the worst. I might be more blunt with a loved one (I consider my friends as loved ones) than a stranger or acquaintance because I fear for them and whatever situation they may be tangled up in. Even as I write, I’m chuckling at myself because speaking in euphemisms is not an ability I have and beating around the bush just makes whatever message I have more convoluted. Therefore, when you read the conversation between me and my friends, I hope I don’t lose you when I sound like a bitch.

A little background: I’ve stated before I grew up as a tomboy and I’ve always felt more comfortable around guys than the girls (who could be really catty and fake). I know their body language and am privy to more gossip than my few female friends will muster up. The latter is probably because I’ve never tolerated gossip and liars and am more than happy to call someone out on their b.s. Running with the guys from elementary school up to and through college meant a lot of pressure standing up against rumors that I might be slutty and that’s why the guys followed me around (the guys stayed with me because they enjoyed my friendship and because where my brother went, so did I, my sister and girlfriends). I made it a point to date outside the district to avoid discussions about my love life and worked extra hard to either be with someone or not: there was no hazy middle ground. I sure as hell did not break up other couples and a friend was a friend and no more. Still, the gossip suggesting I was a player was impossible to put out, and partly, because I am very sociable and I’m always willing to include others than ice them out of my social circle. That can send mixed signals when you’re a hormonal teen and not me, but my codes remain unbroken: a friend is a friend and no more. If I wanted it to be more, you would get the memo first 😉

Come college, I did run with a group of “players” because I didn’t get shit from them for being friendly and warm. My early childhood as an outcast due to my ethnicity in white suburbia stayed with me for a very long time and I know what it’s like looking in and being kept out. It’s why I don’t exclude anyone if I don’t have to (I will not associate with bigots, haters, gossipers, violence seekers, etc) and that’s all the explanation you will ever get from me. Enter XY who, along with my college ex, did have the agenda of bedding and dating as many girls as he could. To this day, he has no idea what his count is and I lost track around 20-30. Recently, he experienced a life changing event and had to re-evaluate his modus operandi of dating someone and sleeping around behind her back every time they got in a fight or shit wasn’t panning out. He got a kick out of stealing a girl away from another guy if he just “couldn’t help himself.” None of my warnings about karma were taken seriously before this monumental moment of inner reflection. A common conversation on FB or via texts and phone call:

Continue reading “Cheating: Lesson Learned”

Unfortunately, once a cheater

NOT always a cheater. If you have been deceived by a lover in the worst way, that is to say your belief and trust in love was violated, then, I’m sure you find some comfort that Karma will be a bitch and your ex lover will fall. We do unto others as we would do unto ourselves and we get what’s coming to us. Perhaps, telling yourself, as your friends and family have told you, a cheater can’t change and is destined for loneliness brings some solace; I know that to be untrue from personal experience on both sides.

Continue reading “Unfortunately, once a cheater”

Goodbye Muscle Training

They’ve been chiding me for a good month
Everyone in my circle pushing her to date
Pushing her ex from her thoughts and heart
They don’t want a very good woman wasted

So, I took her and dolled her all up
Her long, red hair and flawless skin
Required nothing more than touches
Her dress hugged the right features
Suede boots, stylish and classic
Thigh highs held in place by garters
Enhancing the turquoise lingerie set

I chaperone her date with a Wall St. broker
This is their third and like the last one,
Goes on for three hours over drinks and food
I watch his eyes linger on her lips and curves
As they walk towards the transportation home
His hand does not leave the small of her back
She lets him guide her, aware he wants her

The rhythmic sway of her hips into his side
attracts attention and I watch his eyes and mouth
set in a manner to dissuade his competition
Mostly, I see her internal struggle to stay than flee
She enjoys this man’s company, his stories
but her heart is still locked away: far from light
Far from pain, far from the half she won’t name

I whisper words of encouragement she can’t hear
The strength, the resolve she needs to trust again
Seems so far away for her: it’s easier to be numb
Cowardice was never her forte, she knows that
What’s unknown is if she can love and build again
After all, she gave him everything she could, save
The infrastructure that contained her personhood

As the financial analyst/investor tries to read her
I’m holding her, a hug from behind for the last time
He’s wrapped his arms around her waist as the A
comes in to whisk her away, leaving the ghost behind
His tender kiss has no price and yields a tear anyway
She gracefully returns it, softly and breaks away soon
The heartache is too much, the tears barely concealed

Her “goodbye muscle” is weak and in need of training
When she faces me, I look over her clear, youthful skin
A battle well won after weeks of stress, tears and anger
The body is rebounding much more slowly but with time
Anything is possible, anything can happen: love for her
I press her to charge ahead, to leave me behind to wait
We both know I’ll be waiting a long time: “love always”

That’s why I stay and she goes to find her next soulmate
She doesn’t need me in the way I needed her power of will
Her hourglass figure the perfect image of who we are
Together and apart but all contained in one glass piece
Existing in the same space: the Past and Present
Fragile, tiny particles Creating like jigsaw puzzle pieces
do for a larger, incomprehensible love story for the ages

She’s worthy of love; she just needs to work up the
Patience, Time, Resolve and Trust to go again
People like her aren’t meant to be used and abused
Rather, she’s to be inspirational and loved wholly.

I’ll be her past
Her children:
Our future.

A finder *finds*

A seeker might never finish his journey because then, he would be a Finder.

Let’s start with Valentine’s Day and the debacle of letting someone down gently. The teacher/musician-songwriter actually got on my case about my plans (just staying low key and being with friends) when we had a planned date for Thursday. I’m going to transcribe his litany of words and my texts back. For what it’s worth, I can’t read tone in texts and emails. A handwritten letter or phone call is so much more do-able.

Continue reading “A finder *finds*”

A little inspiration

Watch “Midnight Special” starring Michael Shannon and Kirsten Dunst for just a great sci-fi and “religious” experience (if you’ve ever seen “Cloud Atlas” and enjoyed it so will you enjoy this one, too). I remember being told that spiritual energy, the human soul, never dies. It just goes out and becomes something else in the next stage of life. My grandmother promised she’d always watch over and for me: my destiny is not yet done. Some people come into this world already possessing this transformation and it’s their burden to figure out the next steps without causing harm, without sinning against the balance of life and death. Try that one on when you’re just grasping your fourth language in as many years making up your life.

Continue reading “A little inspiration”

My Resignation (Part II)

Written on 12/23/2016 and the date only matters because Part III might be confusing.

I might be panicking that I made a big boo-boo by leaving Buki and the pets to someone else; some fears are financial but the rest stem from guilt and anxiety of the unknown. I know the type of woman Buki’s mother is (I lived with her subjecting me to unfounded “cures” for my asthma and eczema in the 80’s to early aughts: my mom) and I’m seriously considering the crime of theft to save the life of a dog who’s absolutely worth it. Do I turn back? I know I could have my job back in an instant if I asked but I know I can’t stem the tides of change and whether it’s further physical injury from my charge or no longer being able to watch the emotional and mental pain being inflicted upon every living thing in that house. His mother could have simply waited another 2 weeks for the new therapist to arrive before switching him from yet another private school (almost all in NY are not held accountable like our public schools). But the very thing I predicted occurred: Buki reacted against his new young, 6 ft, 220 lbs of muscle [who just got done playing professional basketball] therapist in a negative way.

Quicker than I could have managed to cross the kitchen, where I was making dinner, into the TV room (Buki can play possum – he waits until you are close enough or he has managed to quietly sneak up on you before attempting to hurt you), the new therapist was tackled (he, too, bought Buki’s docile behavior that day) from the side. In seconds, I hear the painful and panicking screams coming from him because Buki literally had his fingernails digging into his eye sockets so, I grabbed Buki around the waist from behind and he parlayed with his well-known kangaroo kick. This kid has such long legs, ballerinas and the Rockett’s kickline team are jealous and he’s not even done growing! Buki knows what he is doing when he is fighting but doesn’t know why and that inability to process his feelings simply creates more rage and confusion. He’s in a type of self preservation mode but that doesn’t excuse the trauma and damage done. I’ve never blacked out from a physical altercation so, I wasn’t prepared when the back of my skull cracked against the granite topped half wall behind me and I lost all ability to breath, orient myself and the use of my legs for a few terrifying seconds. The police were called (his new therapist works for a company that reports all incidents no matter the severity because they have to watch their backs against lawsuits/claims of abuse) and we were both taken to the ER. I have to wake up every few hours for the next few days though I doubt I’ll stop breathing as I sleep. Is any job or amount of money worth permanent damage?

Continue reading “My Resignation (Part II)”